When The Chips Fall...

As I was driving to CrossFit Simpsonville...I was fighting the urge to turn around and crawl back into bed. The truth is that the chips haven’t been falling where I have been wanting them to fall lately.  Between the monotony and the stagnant state of affairs caused by this pandemic, the division of our country, and the recent and tragic impact of the loss of four beautiful souls in a car accident, I have been feeling derailed and drained with nothing left in the tank.  

Although it feels impossible, I keep telling myself to “just show up”. So that’s exactly what I’m doing. For me showing up is the only thing that can help me out of the funk I rapidly spiraled into. 

I mustered up the energy, and made a conscious decision to be present in every moment, and show up in the “now”. I consciously decided to stay committed to my vision of achieving personal growth through community, collaboration and self-discovery.  

I forced myself to get back into my daily ritual of waking up each morning at 5 am in prayer and meditation, and I use my CrossFit workout as a metaphor of strength to carry me through the day. 

The number “7” has been prominent since Haskel died.  The 7 of spades was his. He claimed it. So every time I was faced with 7 reps of something, I would say “Okay Haskel, Carry me through this”, and strangely enough I found myself not just showing up, but showing out!  For every round completed, I’d drop a chip and as each chip fell, I felt stronger. I felt less defeated. 

Although these past weeks have been challenging, I’ve seen the support of my kids’ friends, and the love they have for one another.  As a result, I have had reflected on the meaning of true friendships, the importance of family. It has served as a reminder that I have many incredible blessings in my life. 

This week’s workouts were the most difficult workouts I’ve done since starting CrossFit, but I did it! 

I played my chips differently. 

I didn’t just show up.

I rose above!  

The chips don’t lie. 

Go ahead. Count the chips in the picture and divide them by two. 

#itakeitasasign 

Relationship Adventure Day

“Not all relationships are created equal.” ⚖️

An object in motion, 

stays in motion, 🚴

but after ten years together, we were stuck in a pattern that wasn’t serving the growth of our relationship. 

Something had to give.  I needed to address my frustration.  I needed to inquire about his.  

So I put my vulnerable hat on a few months ago, 

and said something. 

“Say what you mean, but don’t say it mean.” 🗣

For the record, how you start a conversation dictates how the end result looks.  👀 

I made several failed attempts over the past years in addressing certain things and was getting nowhere.  Nothing was changing. 

My frustration levels were rising, and my approach often had a tone of blame which ultimately created a defensive response from my partner. 

“It’s all about the delivery...” 

So I started recognizing our accomplishments as a couple 👩‍❤️‍👨 over our 10 years together, and how important it was to grow and evolve over the next 10 years of our relationship.  His response was remarkably different!

“Stay committed to uncomfortable conversation with each other.  It does pass.”

What it comes down to is,

being an effective communicator, 🗣

listening with intent, 👂 

being okay with each other’s vulnerability, 🎯 

and identifying what each of our core values are individually, and together as a couple. 

“To accomplish growth, it requires awareness.”

It takes patience and grace. 🙏

And it takes getting comfortable in the uncomfortable first so you can set the stage for an aligned evolution with one another. 

But most of all,

It mandates commitment with intention

from BOTH parties. 

Ask each other , “What makes our relationship the best?”

“Are you interested in making your relationship better each day?”

-IDENTIFY each of your core values and bring them to the relationship table to discuss why they are important to you. If you don’t know the “Why?”, there won’t be intent. 

-SCHEDULE weekly conversations dedicated to improving your relationship. 

-PLAN weekly adventures. 

Yegge and I alternate surprising one another with weekly one-day adventures. We plan excursions to places we’ve never been before.  This week was my turn for picking our adventure destination. 

For as long as I’ve lived here, I’ve never been to Pretty Place. I wanted to see the sunrise there. So we woke up at 4:30 am and hit the road. And it was awesome!!

Through our adventures, we are rediscovering what we love most about each other. It’s providing opportunity for more conversations, laughter and excitement.

Nothing changes if nothing changes, so it was time to speak up and do something different and I’m so glad I did!  I can’t wait to see where were off to next week!

Apply Within

“You once told me

You wanted to find

Yourself in the world -

And I told you to

First apply within,

To discover the world

within you.” - Suzy Kassem

Last October, I signed up with The Certified Life Coach Institute to become a life coach. It’s been my calling for a long time since trudging through my divorce and filing for bankruptcy over 10 years ago. I thought about it every day but managed to use the excuses of the lack of money and time to continually put it off. 

Last summer, I accidentally stumbled upon a Ted Talk by Brene Brown about “vulnerability” while on a business trip from San Francisco to Los Angeles. It was the day which  ignited a personal journey I was so desperately seeking but was too afraid to sign up for. However, that day Brene Brown spoke to my soul as she spoke about the importance of “human connection”, shame, and the necessity for being vulnerable in order to achieve true connection with others. It was on that day driving The Pacific Coast Highway when my journey of self-discovery began, and I surrendered to tapping into my own personal authenticity. 

What began as an accidental listen to a Ted Talk was the tipping point to allowing me to face fears and make decisions that had been nagging me for many years. 

After overcoming my fear, allowing myself to be vulnerable and setting specific goals of giving back to others as others so graciously gave to me during difficult times, I became ICF certified as a Master Life Coach by Certified Life Coach Institute, and I have been taken on a journey that I would’ve never imagined.  The bonds I have formed with new forces in my life are treasures. 

However, with change there is loss.  There are some who have embraced my transformation and authenticity, others who are curious about my daily quest for it, and many who were close to me who weren’t interested in it at all.  Yet I see now, that despite the pain of some losses from arriving at my personal place today, those losses have been abundantly replenished. 

And through this all, I have been given tremendous opportunity to give back during a time when our world needs it the most. The minute my quest for finding my authentic self began, A Higher Power,  I choose to call God, and the universe aligned resulting in a path I only dreamed of. 

Today, I am different. Each day I am a better version of myself because of an accidental listen to a Ted Talk, a 7 year delay signing up for life coaching certifications which aligned me with my own personal life coach, Dezi Slusher, yoga and meditation, spiritual healing and breath work and so much more. 

Yesterday, Dezi and I hosted an “Awakening” workshop which opened the doors to peeling back the layers of limitation and setting the stage of creating the life we are all worthy of.  I talk about my experience daily at the studio to our beautiful community. I live authentically, speaking my truth.   

Yesterday, eleven incredibly brave women entered Steppingstone Haven on a song and a prayer, only with my word about my own personal “Awakening” experience. They walked in fearful and vulnerable with their own personal stories, and walked out as a sisterhood of connected divine feminine powers - forever changed.  

They took a chance on themselves, they surrendered to vulnerability. They applied within!

“You once told me

You wanted to save

The world from all its wars -

And I told you to

First save yourself

From the world,

And all the wars

You put yourself
through - Suzy Kassem

The View Is Clear From A Mile Above Sea Level

I don’t know about you but this pandemic has caused me to take a closer look at myself, 

my life 

and my relationships. 

Aside from adjusting to the obvious quarantine quandaries, I was aggravated by the spotlight that had been shed upon where I’ve been, 

where I am now, and where I want to be.  As a result, I’ve made a commitment to making some enhancements for an even better life. 

At first, I was bothered by the awareness I had tapped into my relationship values, needs and desires. It was uncomfortable because I knew that if I wanted change in my life and in all of my relationships, I needed to speak up. More than ever, I needed to get vulnerable. It was obvious that whether I said something or not, it was going to affect what my future looked like.  

One of the most important relationships in my life is with my boyfriend, Yegge of ten years.  I recently redefined specific goals for my life which included him in the years ahead, so it was important for me to get his buy in. 

Over this pandemic pause, I recognize that I haven’t always been clear with Yegge about my relationship goals. For awhile, I shoved a lot under the rug but I decided that it wasn’t too late to say something. So without blame and  judgement, I took a chance and asked him if he’d be willing to dedicate a little more quality time towards improving our relationship.  

And he said “YES”!

We decided that each of us would alternate planning a weekly date, and yesterday he chose a hiking adventure at Grandfather Mountain in North Carolina. After a two hour car ride attempting to start but effectively dodge conversation about “us”, we were distracted by the exploration of trails along the Blue Ridge Mountains filled with panoramic views, flowers, rivers, falls and caverns, swinging bridges with a 360 degree view from 5,280 feet in the air. 

We also visited an animal habitat of cougars, bears and eagles!

The result of this particular pandemic reflection was a scary, vulnerable shake up however it was not without surprises and rewards!  The journey lent itself to...

...a common adventure and experience creating effortless conversation that we wouldn’t normally have. 

...A little tour through Yegge’s hometown as he shared memories of high school I haven’t heard before. 

...Three meals together and little excursions into local markets for honey and cheese. 

...A reluctant yet committed listen to “The Four Agreements” book on tape with conversation about it on the way home.

...Feelings of validation through vulnerability from stepping outside our comfort zones.  

And the understanding that we don’t know what we don’t know if nobody speaks up. 

So I encourage anyone who is sitting on what I call the “relationship growth fence”.  Stand on the fence or hop even higher on a suspended bridge for a different perspective. 

If it matters to you, 

be vulnerable, 

give it a shot,

And maybe even check out “The Four Agreements”, by Don Miguel Ruiz. 

I’m excited for what the days ahead bring us and equally excited how it may inspire others.  If it’s important to you, it’s worth the work. 

#embracewhatsgood #choosegrowth #nothingchangesifnothingchanges

A Post-Quarantine Reflection

“Complacency is the last hurdle standing between any team and its potential greatness.”     - Pat Riley

Let’s face it. It’s easy to get comfortable. Maybe even “lazy” in our relationships. 🐂
Cue in a pandemic, and an induced 3 month quarantine, and the next thing you know you go from an episode of “Empty Nesters” to a binge watch of “Full House” on steroids featuring that annoying yet well-intentioned neighbor, Kimmy Gibbler.

I don’t know about you but over the past few months, our family experienced a mish-mosh of triggers,  A roller coaster ride of thoughts 🎢, and Yo-yo like actions and reactions 🪀 which ultimately created a multi-dimensional decoupage titled “Hot Mess”!
And what happens when there’s a hot mess?  🔥
Things tend to spiral. 🌪
I’ll spare you the details, and fast forward to where the pandemic nightmare turned into a fairy tale. 🏰
It’s when we all realize that the discomfort of our personal introspection and examination of our shortcomings brings us closer together.
To me, Covid-19 was presented by “a power greater than us”, saying
“Get your sh#% together people, check your egos at the door and pivot for improvement!”⚡️
After 3 months of self reflection, I decided it was time to exercise some change... 🏋️‍♀️

...Owning and admitting my shortcomings to myself and my family.

....Addressing the emotional paralysis I had been experiencing for years.

...Letting go of old wounds and Speaking up by saying what I mean but not saying it mean.

...Confidently asking for what I want from each member of my family, and setting boundaries to protect my well-being as well as theirs too! 💥

Individually and collectively we are “works in progress”. We all move at our own comfortable pace.
But remember this!  Fear sets in when we remain idle, and change can’t occur when we allow complacency to creep in.
So keep moving. Don’t let fear get in the way.
The more you hope, the less you fear.
Let it go. It’s really your ego masked in fear.
Hope more. Hope and fear can not  occupy the same space.
Set goals, even if they seem ridiculous.  Miracles do happen.
Do something different.  You must get uncomfortable before you achieve a healthy sense of comfort.
That kind of comfort is different than complacency.
Keep hoping.
Manifest that sh#% and don’t let complacency stand in the way of the potential greatness of you and your team!

Going Back To The Root

Owning and operating a small business is not an easy task on a regular day.  It has become increasingly difficult recently with the COVID-19 virus, and it is evident that there will be many more challenges to come.

I want to thank all of those who have reached out with words of encouragement over the past weeks. I’m not going to lie.  It has been chaotic and unsettling. The unknown is convoluted and has caused tremendous trepidation in the movement of everyone around us.  And like a virus, the reaction is contagious and as far as I am concerned, it's as lethal as we allow it to be.

In times like these, people react differently based on their current state-of-affairs.  Some fight.  Others flee or freeze.  Personally, I experienced my own personal metamorphosis through all those reactions in the past weeks.  So yesterday, I made a conscious decision to quiet my mind, go back to the basics and rise like the Phoenix represented in The Steppingstone Haven logo.  

As I moved my mind and body through prayer, meditation, yoga I was reminded of the primary purpose for starting Steppingstone Yoga & Wellness Haven. I founded this business from a heart centered place which activated a sense of peace enabling me to rise above the chaos of real life sh#%.  This venture was fueled by my desire to give back to my community.

But over the past month of starting a business, I rapidly retreated to my old self and caused me to lose grip of what I worked so hard for – MY AUTHENTIC SELF!  

Until the pattern was interrupted with COVID-19 and I was forced to pivot.  I am grateful for the people who have generously offered their assistance, expertise and service over the past week that enabled me to be more grounded. Through their generosity, I have been able to find my way back to the safe haven of mind and body alignment with prayer, yoga and meditation. 

Steppingstone Yoga & Wellness Haven understands that this is a difficult time for all and wants to go back to the root of its existence.

Steppingstone Yoga & Wellness Haven is launching complimentary access to:

“THE VIRTUAL HAVEN” - where you can find LIVE and recorded yoga, meditation and mini-group life coach sessions until April 12th.   

Here is what all you do in order to find your path back to your own safe haven of mind and body alignment.

• "Like" this post or send us a DM
• You will be invited to a private Facebook group called "The Virtual Haven"
•  

 
SIGN UP for LIVE yoga and meditation classes and group life coaching chats via ZOOM.  
 

“The Virtual Haven”

You will find your complimentary passes in the pricing options under “Virtual Classes”.  There is also an opportunity to Donate A Virtual Pass

This pass will support others who are seeking mind and body relief at this time, along with our dedicated instructors June, Kim, Maria, Carolina and Karla, who will be instructing the virtual classes.

I want to express my gratitude for the passion and dedication of the Steppingstone Haven instructors and clients. They have demonstrated true grit and allowed their light to shine during a dark time. 

Thank you also to my fellow life coaches, Dezi, Jen and Nicole and many of my CLC Coach Colleagues, the Steppingstone Haven clients, my corporate colleagues and everyday acquaintances and alliances.

Please accept this gift through April 12th.  In the meantime, stay safe, stay healthy and always remember #embracewhatsgood!