Another Kind of Mile High Club...

I have been told by many that they love when I travel because I always come back with some great stories.  I just assumed that everybody had travel experiences like I do but now I'm beginning to second guess that thought.   My boyfriend asks why I feel compelled to talk to everyone.  I like talking to people. And as my son Jack would tell people when he was little, "I can't help it, that is the way God made me!"

Besides, all of my encounters have really helped me to reflect on what kind of person I am. I use the people I meet as a barometer for what kind of person I am. Certain behaviors of strangers remind me of who I once was, how I am now and what I strive to be like.

Yesterday I was faced with two different beasts.  Each taught me a little something about myself. The first flight was only 25 minutes so I figured it would be uneventful especially at 5 in the morning.  However I was sorely mistaken as I sat next to rednecks, Jeb, Earl and Vern. The only things that were missing was a banjo, some overalls and a few teeth.  I say this as to only give you a visual.  However, they have caused me to think that I may have a tendency to stereotype and is probably something I need to work on. In any case, throw in the fact that it was Jeb's first time on a plane and the other two claimed to be experienced world travelers. 

As a result,  the jet setters found it to be comical how uncomfortable Jeb was with the prospect of a large piece of machinery like the one we were buckled into was going to get us to point "A" to point "B", 35,000 miles above the ground.  Breaking out in a sweat, Jeb proceeds to think aloud upon take off as he glances out of his window, "Isn't it funny that the plane just don't fall outta the sky?"  I politely respond with a nod and vehemently forced the visual of us actually falling "outta the sky" outta my head. And just as I close my eyes to say The Rosary, funny guy Earl poses the question to Jeb..."Hey, Is that duck tape on the wing?" which was promptly  followed by Vern's redneck, creepy giggle. Which ultimately caused my knee jerk New York reaction to look across the aisle and mouth "seriously dude?? You're an a#%!"  Thankfully, our interaction was interrupted by the pilot announcing our decent into Charlotte and I could eventually escape the scene from Deliverance...

...Only to be met on my next flight by the Barbara Streisand look alike who was similar in character to Mrs. Focker in "Meet The Fockers".  She sat next to me in the aisle knitting. And silly me, I initiated a conversation with her because it was as cold as a meat freezer in the plane and regretfully I asked her if she would knit me a blanket.  As she responded to me and we made idle chit chat throughout the flight, I noticed her purse. It was purple with more of a magenta tone, and shaped like a fish with different patterned patches as the scales like one you would buy a three year old at a crafts fair.  She noticed my pensiveness which was in reality, the thought bubble over my head that said "What the fu#% is that? and then she claimed that it was "bathroom :30!" which caused another thought bubble saying "What the fu#% are you talking about? And she ventured off to the ladies room. 

When she returned from the bathroom, she smelled so good and stupidly I commented, asking her what perfume she wears. Whispering, she responded with "ya know, I get real stinky down there" as she pulled her fish purse on her lap and yanked at it like she was de-hooking the thing.  She pulled out a spray bottle with some pastel blue and yellow colors out if the the purse pocket disguised as a fish gill. She proceeded to tell me how it worked like a charm on long trips like these.   Speechless, all I could do is throw my head back and silently ask God, "Why me?"  Can't I just sit next to someone normal when I travel?  Why do I have to sit next to the twit who sprays her twat with pretty smelling perfume?  

After regrouping, I excused myself and got up to go to the bathroom. "Oh sure honey. Ooooooh ooooh ooooh but wait, " as she chases me down the aisle reaching into the fish's mouth. "Take the spray!" she offers,  (in not so much of a whisper).  "I insist", she said.  "Try it out and if you like it, you can have it. I have more." 

I respond, "No really. It's okay", and briskly walk down the aisle to the lavatory, fussing to open the folding door but its locked. Waiting patiently and trying to keep Mrs. Focker at bay, I hear that sweet clicking sound of the bathroom lock sliding open,  doors unfold and who is standing there but the redneck who I called an a#% on my earlier flight.  Regretting that I didn't take Focker up on her crotch mace, I looked down and let the redneck pass peacefully. 

I went in, locked the collapsible door that protected me from all those traveling freaks, I regrouped and asked God to protect me from falling out of the sky, and prayed that the duck tape was secure and that sweet pants would leave me alone when I got back to my seat. The "Mile High Club" took on a whole new meaning as it turned into more of a sanctuary of prayer for me.

I slithered back into my seat and thankfully my Mile High Cathedral prayers worked because the pilot announced that we were making out initial decent in to San Diego.  I gathered my belongings together and reviewed my encounters during my traveling roadshow. And just as I was thinking how crazy Mrs. Focker was, she turned to me and so graciously thanked me for my conversation and wished me safe travels. I did the same and then scolded myself for being so judgy wudgy.  And as the wheels touched the ground, she clapped showing her appreciation for the pilot and his crew for getting us there safely...just like my Nana Barry would to do!  And that is when I realized that with every interaction with someone, comes something valuable if you are open to it.  As for my experience with Jeb, Earl and Vern?  I am still not sure about it but maybe can venture to guess that it was the old lesson of treat everyone with kindness because you never know when you will meet again...

From Ruins to Rainbows - Never Forget!

I recently had the wonderful fortune of being able to see Billy Joel in concert at Madison Square Garden.  For me, it was particularly special.  You see, Billy Joel is to me and my hometown, Oyster Bay, Long Island what Bruce Springsteen is to Asbury Park, NJ.  The iconic Piano Man played all of his hits as well as some lower profile songs that only a die-hard Billy fan would know. One song that really resonated with me than ever before was "We Didn't Start The Fire".

If you aren’t familiar with the song and its background, “We Didn’t Start The Fire” includes brief, rapid references to more than 100 headline events between 1949, the year of Joel’s birth and 1989 when the song was released.  Joel said that the song was written “from a place of malevolence” and that it reflected the attitude of “waiting for the other shoe to drop.”  He sums up 40 years of famous Presidents, celebrities, kinds of cars, types of music and novels, political issues and tragic events into a 3 minute song.

There were plenty of noteworthy historical events that had unfolded in my 47 years and I actually think it would be cool to research them and see which ones were the most impactful.  But for today, I can say with much certainty that, it was September 11th when the biggest shoe dropped for me and all of America.

As the anniversary of that terrifying attack on our Country is eerily upon us again, I reflect…

I still brace myself for the wave of emotions that overcome me on this day.  I compartmentalize them for 364 days a year and allow myself to release on this day.  As I sat at Church early this morning, I found it more difficult to process and I find it harder to write about. 

After 14 years, it feels like it was just yesterday.  My memory often fails me at my age, but I can remember every detail from that horrific day. It's as vivid as the days I gave birth to each of my children.  Fourteen years later, I am still in disbelief over the events that unfolded and how it literally and figuratively turned that city black on such a beautiful, perfectly crisp, fall day.

The events on that day forced me to morph from the Wall Street wife who at the time was probably a little more consumed with what was had as opposed to what should have been offered.  Since then, I have committed myself to being more true to myself, my kids, my family, my Country!  I have learned to embrace the good out of the ruins of 9/11 yet on the anniversary each year, I am overcome with anger or the similar malevolence that Billy Joel describes in his powerful song.  Each year at this time, I mourn not only those I lost, I mourn the “what could have been?”  The things that never happened as a result of the actions of those vile terrorists.  The questions are just too long to list.

And as I sat quietly in a dark Church early this morning, I mourned the fact that I will never receive the answers to the “what could have been” questions.  I also reflected upon the incredible image of the rainbow that was captured over The Freedom Tower yesterday representing those lost but also reminding me of the many people, places and experiences that I have been blessed with as a result of the attacks upon our Country 14 years ago.  So I wipe my tears, and I buck up, shake it off and express my gratitude for all of the adversities that have forced me to grow into who I am today. 

I pray for all of my friends who have lost parents, spouses, and children.  I pray for the healing and growth of those directly affected.  I thank God for the brave acts of cops, firefighters and service men and women who became heroes that day at a very high cost.  In this critical time in our Country’s history, I beg for the safety of my family and friends and, my Country and I again attempt to embrace the uncomfortable realization that life must and does go on.

 

In the words of Billy Joel…

“We didn’t start the fire! It was always burning since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire, No, we didn't light it but we tried to fight it…

We didn't start the fire, It was always burning since the world's been turning.
We didn't start the fire, but when we are gone, It will still burn on, and on, and on, and on...

My wish upon a star.

My Wish Upon a Star

I could give you every detail of the days preceding her birth. From the way she kicked while in my belly to the first labor pain in the sand trap on 17 at Deepdale Golf Club, to shopping at Home Depot with my mother and indicating that it was probably wise to head home, to her father declaring “It’s go time!” at North Shore University Hospital after the doctor confirmed that I was in labor. Still in denial of the prospect of becoming a parent and the fear of what was physically ahead of me, I asked the doctor if we could just stop for a glass of wine and watch Kentucky vs. Arizona in the NCAA Championships. Without skipping a beat, the doctor responded, “You will have your own March Madness if you don’t get to your hospital in the city now.”
We trudged through a Nor’ Easter on the LIE, heading West towards the city in order to check in to NYU Medical Center. Hailey, still in my belly was causing a decent amount of physical pain combined with the emotional torture of “just letting you know I’m in here, but I’m not sure if I am ready to come out.” Thirty-six hours later, it really was “go time” with an emergency C-Section (prayer answered!). And there she was, Hailey Elizabeth Wilson, named after Halley’s comet.
Now I didn’t study as much as I should have in high school but I did learn that Halley's Comet is arguably the most famous comet…“A "periodic" comet that returns to Earth about every 75 years, making it possible for it to be seen twice in a lifetime.” (http://www.space.com/19878-halleys-comet.html) Comets are the largest objects in our Solar System and have tails that can extend millions of miles into space.
The inside of the comet is made up of frozen particles but as the comet moves closer to the Sun, the heat from the Sun turns the outer ice into gas and the solid particles are released as dust as solar winds push it away which causes it to form the beautiful light show seen from Earth. (http://www.kidseclipse.com/pages/a1b3c0d3.htm)
The last time it was here was in 1986, (the year I graduated from high school) and it is projected to return in 2061. I remember the news and the sight of it all having a big impact on me and had declared then that my first born would be named after the infamous comet. Hailey, since the moment of conception has really exemplified the beautiful qualities of the mesmerizing trail of a comet.
Fast forward, eighteen years…
Today, we are packing the car for College. Bittersweet to say the least. What was once the most dreaded time of year between fighting for school supplies, spending $200 on a stupid calculator and watching my checks from my check book vanish as I write fifteen different $5 checks to the school for who knows what, I found myself nostalgic and weepy this week as I walked through what once was the most dreaded time of the year.
Awakened early by the need to write, I have reflected on the collection of teachings which I hope that I have instilled in my kids over the years. I have a few that especially apply during college years. Number one and twenty five should be a constant…
1. Start your day with a prayer.
2. If you don’t have some level of fear, be very afraid. Change is scary yet can be so exciting at the same time. Embrace it!
3. Don’t judge others as you don’t know what circumstances they have encountered or endured in their lifetime. Everybody has a story. Listen to it as it will reveal more than you know. However, assess words vs. actions. Actions of others will be your barometer so set your boundaries based on your reading.
4. When you find yourself nervous and insecure around a particular person, show an interest in them. Expressing interest in others and making others feel important and makes you way more likable than the guy who always wants to talk about himself.
5. Don’t ever violate “Girl Code”! The bonds of friendship/sisters are as strong as you choose to make them.
6. Each day perform a random act of kindness.
7. Trust your instincts. Go with your gut. If it feels right, run with it. If it feels like trouble, RUN!
8. ALWAYS leap with faith.
9. Be honest with yourself. It's the only way to be honest with others
10. Let passion drive you to work hard to achieve your dreams. Don’t let anyone/anything stand in your way but be honest and fair.
11. Clean your room, make your bed every morning and pull the shades up to let the sunshine in.
12. Boys are stupid. They need boundaries. It order to keep them educated, set boundaries from the very beginning and set them firmly.
13. Pray for the boys.
14. You can either fall or you can fly…FLY!
15. Stop. Look. Listen. Evaluate. If you let life take charge, things begin to spiral out of control. Take charge of your life.
16. Always introduce yourself if someone doesn't. Shake their hand and shake it firmly.
17. Travel. Study abroad.
18. Call your grandparents once a week. It makes their day and usually creates a knee-jerk urge to send money.
19. If you start it, finish it.
20. Remember that your experiences don’t define you but help you evolve into who you become. Whether you enjoyed an experience or not, chalk it up as just that. It will come up in conversation at some point in your life. The more experience you have the more interesting you are.
21. Choose your voice over your fingers. Meet up or call someone instead of texting.
22. Make your own list of wisdom throughout your college experience. As you reflect back over the years, you won’t believe your incredible transformation but may understand how you got there.
23. You are only as credible as your last credit score. Start building your credit now. Learn about the benefits of a good credit score as opposed to a bad one.
24. “I love you to the moon and back!” And I appreciate you as much as you do me.
25. Be as impactful as the comet that you were named after. Turn towards the Sun, let the Solar winds push you and exemplify the beautiful trail of qualities that God has given you. Mesmerize others AND don’t forget to call your mother!

It's "go time" again!

I TOOK THE PLUNGE!

🎼Cue Katy Perry music.🎶

"I took the plunge and I liked it. Was afraid and it took my breath away..."

When I told people that I was heading down to Charleston on New Years Day to do the Polar Bear Plunge, I was asked why? Several said that I was crazy. And I also got a surprising number of "I don't know how you do that. I wish I could be that brave" responses.

I sent a text to my longtime friend Glenda asking whether she was in or not.  I quickly received one back that just said "Scared but committed!"  I knew then that there was no better person to jump into 40 degree water with. We have been friends since 1991 and were very familiar with each others' strengths and vulnerabilities and have always taken pride in our self-improvement efforts.  We collectively claimed "Scared but Committed" as our theme for 2015. It was our version of Nike's "Just Do It" slogan.

For me, "The Plunge" was pretty symbolic. I've been through some trying times in different phases of my life. All of which the outcomes were so unpredictable and quite surprising. Each situation required some minor decisions and at other times some major decision making.  I made some out of impulse. Others out of fear. But as I got older and was faced with the even bigger decisions (my divorce and filing for bankruptcy), I realize that fear was not an influencer in my decision making processes, but more like a barrier. I was paralyzed!  As frightening as it was to think about leaving my comfort zone, I knew that the price I would pay for staying paralyzed by the fear was too great.

When I arrived at Glenda's, we made coffee and caught up. Later we were joined by another good friend of Glenda's. As we sipped the best Bloody Mary's ever (compliments of my new friend. Marisa), we convened in the living room next to the fire and talked about whether or not we were really going to take the plunge. As Glenda and I bantered back and forth about our fears of doing it, Marisa (an experienced plunger), gently interrupted and described how we would feel if we didn't do it. At this point, it would simply be a personal defeat and how could we possibly kick off 2015 like that.

We nodded in agreement and proceeded to discuss our wardrobe choices and plunging techniques. Do we just jump in with our bathing suit?  Would it be wise to wear yoga pants in the water?  Who's got a wet suit?!!  Most importantly, we discussed what actually constitutes a legitimate "plunge". It was unanimous, "bathing suit only, head under, hair wet!"

And off we went...
Glenda in her babooshka fur hat and Chanel sunglasses, Marisa in her angry birds knit hat and me in my terry cloth lined robe. We walked down the beach about a half mile to the pier reviewing our plan. We expressed the fears that we had about the whole adventure. We reflected on the responses we got from others and the "what ifs" of the upcoming plunge.

As we drew closer, the crowd grew larger and louder. It seemed to be an 60/40 split between participants and spectators.  Although I was still hesitant, I was gradually becoming more comfortable with being a participant. In a weird way, I recognized the spectators and their impact as they cheered us on.  The nay sayers also played a significant role in my head as I used them to fuel the fire of motivation and ultimately prove them wrong. At the same time I took pride in being the participant as people looked at us in awe as we stripped down to our bathing suits despite of the cold temperatures. 

We headed down the edge of the water and as the tide rolled in over my toes, I reconsidered my plan. I said something about the temperature of the water, Glenda agreed but Marisa (the voice of reason) managed to gently remind us again of that defeated feeling we would have if we didn't do it.

The countdown began and as I witnessed others running full force into the low tide waters of Folly Beach, my fellow plungers gave a nod and we were off. I jogged in and quickly realized that I needed to go faster.  The distance I needed to go in order to be well over my head was farther than I thought. So, in order to meet the pre-set plunging criteria, I stopped, dropped and dunked.

As I walked to our meeting place, I noticed my more confident stride. Several people asked how it was, some took pictures. Others commented in awe and reiterated how they could never do it.  We took a team picture of our personal victory. We talked about our individual experiences and our different plunging methods and techniques and how we would plan differently for next year's plunge.  It's funny how something we were so hesitant to do was now being discussed as a potential annual tradition.

We wrapped the day up with wine and New Year's leftovers and indulged in our personal plunging accomplishment.  As I drove home, I realized that my plunging into 2015 experience was way more impactful on me than I had ever expected it to be.  I took the plunge and I actually liked it!   In hindsight the process before the plunge was hauntingly similar to any of my real life challenges. If I dissect it, there are many necessary components that come to mind when overcoming a personal challenge or accomplishing a goal:

-The desire to want more from life.
-Fear
-Good, honest friends with similar personal goals and aren't afraid call things as they see them
-New friends with new perspectives and aren't afraid to voice them
-More fear
-An open mind and the willingness to tackle challenges and work hard for desired achievements.
-Bloody Mary's!

-"The Nay Sayer"

-"The Spectator"

-"The Wannabes"

-Recognition of the participants (team members), the aforementioned and the willingness to influence them through positive actions. 

-More fear and more bloody Mary's.
-The acceptance of the challenges and the opportunities for accomplishment.

-And finally, the ability to celebrate both the failures and successes of life with humility and gratitude. 

To the participants - Just do it!

To the spectators and wannabes -  Try it, you might like it.

To the Nay Sayers - You are the fuel to my fire.  I can only hope that I inspire you in the same way. 

To All:  May 2015 be your year to PLUNGE into happiness, good health, prosperity and personal achievement!  Happy New Year!