God is great, cosmos are good and people are stupid!

Some of the most valuable lessons I've learned have been through my hardships.  And to be honest, I've had so much practice that I don't even view anything as insurmountable anymore. In fact, now and then I cringe when my ten year old throws my infamous line in my face and says,

"There's a solution to every problem. You may not like it at the time but just roll with it and eventually it will all make sense." 

That darn kid! Just when I thought her hearing was impaired, she proves that she actually does listen to what I say. Now there are those who experience hardships ranging from domestic issues, financial problems, isolation, illness, death or just plain stupidity.  And it is very common for people's ignorant behavior to lead to the aforementioned hardships. Then, there are those who are very secretive about their situations and they are usually the ones who suffer the most. You know the ones I'm talking about! They pretend that life is grand as their marriage is falling apart or they are sweeping the drunk spouse under the rug, or bailing a kid out of jail, or driving the sports cars and taking fabulous vacations as the foreclosure papers are being signed, sealed and delivered to their temporary doorstep.  And then, there are those who embrace it all and post Facebook status’ poking fun at the dysfunction surrounding them. And when that isn’t enough, they decide to "blog" about the circus they live. 

Warning:
 “Bell ringers, big mouths and judges make more enemies than friends. “

I learned that fact long ago. Now, I just poke fun at the dysfunction, not the people who have malfunctioned. I'm a realist and I call it as I see it and my favorite thing is teaching those bell ringers, big mouths and judges to take a good hard look at who they are and what’s going on in their lives instead of getting all up in my grill about how I handle my life.  For the sake of time, I will give you the abbreviated version but I'm going to tell you about the time I came face to face with a "bell ringer, big mouth and a judge" all wrapped into one. I had never met her before but she apparently knew who I was. She THOUGHT that I had moved to South Carolina from New York with my "retired" Wall Street Executive husband and my three young children, bought a house 5 sizes bigger than the one in NY for a quarter of the price that I sold my other. Apparently she scratched her head often trying to figure the whole deal out but obviously I paid her zero attention. Why?  Because I was consumed with the dysfunction going on in my life!  Mostly for obvious reasons - three kids, moving etc. But mostly because my life became unmanageable. It was shortly after 9/11, my husband's mind and business were terribly affected after losing so many friends and clients and ultimately my marriage was failing due to many things but mainly his addiction and what we know now as post traumatic stress disorder. In any case, I was busy running for my life thinking I could fix him, our marriage and all that was caving in on us.

"Wherever you go, there you are." 

On the contrary, things actually got worse. Marriage counseling, his several stints at rehab, depression and lack of motivation (also known as "retirement" by some) didn't help the situation at all. Ultimately it bankrupted us financially but I wasn't going to allow it to do the same emotionally to myself and my children. I tried to include my husband at the time but he wouldn't allow it. He defined himself too much by the money and was too distraught over the financial reality of things that at the time he couldn't get it together emotionally. Against my will, I had to let him sink with the ship. My children were too important to me.

And that is when the realist in me was born. I couldn't sit there and let this happen to my family. So I pulled out all guns. Family members had their own opinions. Friends had stood by as either spectators or as stage hands. And the bell ringers rung the bells, the big mouths yapped away and the judges made their judgments’.  But the bottom line is that I was fighting for my life to keep my head above water.

Three years after getting divorced, being left with all of the financial responsibility of the Wall Street lifestyle without an income - only investments, I was forced to go back to work after 11 years. I went from chicken salad to chicken sh#% in a matter of seconds. And it was then, that the transformation began and I was able to see what I was really made of.

After I had moved from my big, stupid, poorly judged purchased house, the bell ringers, big mouths and judges came out of the wood works. "Stupid Suzy" (her fictional name in order to protect her ignorant anonymity) is definitely the most noteworthy. She apparently knew "the whole story" and managed to voice her opinion about the state of our house at the homeowners meetings. And every time one of those meetings passed, I would kick myself for not showing up to give her a piece of my mind. The truth is I didn't have the wear withal to do it at that time. However every dog has its day. And three years later, mine finally had presented itself…

I was waiting on a friend at one of my favorite restaurants. As I grabbed a seat at the bar, I noticed a woman who went to my church and had lived in the neighborhood where my house was that I had just forfeited to the bank purely as a survival tactic. We exchanged greetings and as she did the church lady shuffle to her left, the curtain opened and my big moment had arrived. There stood the biggest bell ringer, big mouth judge I had known, but had never met. She knew who I was but I never let on that I figured her out until...

 

I had taken the last sip of my Cosmo (the official truth serum drink of angry people) and she of course made some ignorant comment about a couple at the bar and how he was so unattractive and she was so young and that she must be with him for the money.  And THAT was when I made my big debut!

“Hi Suzy”, I said.  “I’m Pamela Anderson Lee (my fictional name because I was feeling like a rock star at that moment).  You know that one who “abandoned” her house in YOUR fantastic neighborhood?”  “I’m so happy that we finally have a chance to meet.”  As I was greeting her, I was slipping my shoes off and suddenly she noticed that I was about 4 inches shorter from when the conversation began.  However the fact of the matter was that SHE looked like she was shrinking as a result of embarrassment.   She looked confused, wondering what I was doing as I slid my shoes towards her feet and told her to try them on.  She stood there frozen.  “Exactly,” I said.  “I’m not sure you would want to go there, however if you did in fact ever walk in my shoes, you would probably understand why I made the decisions that I had made.  I don’t owe you any explanation about any of them but I can tell you this: 

-“God has been great to me through my hardships

-This cosmopolitan tastes really good right now

-AND

- YOUR ignorance doesn’t seem so blissful anymore, does it??”

“You have reminded me of where I’ve come from, where I’ve been and the road I am on.  You really do have a purpose, so thank you!”   And then I slipped my shoes back on, assumed my 5 foot 7 stance and turned around to greet my stage hand.  We had dinner and great conversation about the boundaries I have set in my life and the quality of my children's lives as a result of my hardships.  We have learned to play our misfortune to our benefits and it surely is nothing money can buy.  We learned it all through real life experience!