“Day 4 of “The Journey Back to Self- Communication is Key”

There’s a reason why kids grow up and move out however Covid had different plans for us. Going from empty nester to full house through a pandemic has really tested my entire family.  So as part of a collective self-care mission, I called a family meeting. 

 Each member of the family got the exclusive stage to effectively express what they experienced as a problem and what they had hoped for as a solution. 

 I handed out pens and paper so each person could write down responses to everyone’s comments so there weren’t any interruptions.  This allowed each of us to hold space for one another, and to practice responsible listening.  With the exception of one or two outbursts, we actually did pretty well.

 The result was better than expected. At the end of the day, we all just want to be respected and heard and they want our feelings to be acknowledged. 

Effective communication is essential for growth and understanding (especially for people pleasers, control freaks and creatures of habit). 

So my 10 minutes of self-care turned into a few hours of some pretty valuable time with the people who matter the most to me.   

The energy shifted last night as we went back to basics.  

We rediscovered the meaning of family as we ate, talked, cleaned up and had family game night. 

 All is right in the world again.  It begins at home.  And to think, it all started with 10 minutes of self-care. 

Where will your 10 minutes lead you?

“Day 3 of “The Journey Back to Self - The Power of Movement"

In 10 short minutes, I had a big epiphany!  

I’m not sure where it came from. Possibly from the first yoga class I’ve done in a month.  

It felt so good to move my body as my mind took a ride along.  

Random thoughts and feelings washed over me.  

A mish mosh of the feelings of worry, frustration, and anger slowly dissipated as my body stretched and flowed.  

Despite the chaos, division and uncertainty I was feeling in this day, I transformed my attitude into gratitude with the intentional movement of my body and my breath.  

Back to basics I go.  

No matter how many steps forward I take to be present and awake in my life, I am humbled by my innate ability to also take steps backwards. 

There is power in movement.  Even when I regress and take steps back, I gain a new perspective. 

Today, I changed my thoughts which improved my feelings and ultimately changed my path of action. 

Today, my 10 minutes of self-care turned into an hour of movement.  

Today, I am reminded to embrace what’s good. 

For this, I am grateful. 

Where will your 10 minutes take you today?

“Day 2 of “The Journey Back to Self” - The Stories We Tell Ourselves

 

Meet Pam (circa 1972). 

Pam’s childhood was a good one. 

Her parents raised her with a good set of values and quality family time was important. 

As Pam grew up, she had good experiences. As everyone does, she also encountered adversity. Each experience was interpreted differently. 

Some experiences created different internal stories creating a “victim” mentality and at other times encouraging a “victor”.  Either way, they were driven by the experience. 

As I sit here in Day 2 “Journey Back to Self”, I reflect on what stories I have created from my childhood - which have debilitated me in some areas of life and which ones have served me into living my best life ever. 

It will surely take more than 10 minutes,  but just in this short period of time, I gained a perspective and awareness that I would’ve never gotten if I didn’t take 10 minutes to myself this morning. 

In your 10 minutes of self-care, what past stories can you identify as being debilitating or motivating?

Day 1 of "The Journey Back to Self" - Reclaim Your Day!

I’ve been feeling disconnected from my faith and my Higher Power due to the continuous distractions of this pandemic. As part of my 10 minute practice this morning, I decided to dedicate time to a prayer journal. It’s probably one of the best journal prompts I’ve seen.  It could also be attributed to the fact that I am being more mindful of my dedication to 10 minutes of self-care each day. 

Today’s message of encouragement touched upon the topic of “abuse”. It’s a strong word.  My initial reaction was “it does not apply to me” but after much thought, I recognize at some point in my life, I have been afflicted with a form of abuse.  It could've been by my ex-husband.  Or a friend. It could be by an employer, co-worker or classmate.  

Just the mere act of allowing one to take another for granted, is abusive.  Today I reflected on the guilt I have carried for years (even up until this day) for leaving my marriage.  A marriage that eventually became riddled with emotional abuse and exhaustion due to my ex-husband's alcoholism.  It became a marriage without boundaries nor healthy non-negotiables. 

Within today's 10 minutes of my journey back to self, I recognize that in those times, I was just as responsible for the abuse for not setting boundaries.  I consistently allowed myself to be the door mat because I never anchored myself in my values of respect, self-love and acceptance.  

How we do anything is how we do everything.  In retrospect, the outcome of my failed marriage, an unhealthy relationship with food and money, along with detrimental friendships comes as no surprise.

So today, after my 10 minutes of self-care and reflection, I consciously take my power back.  I anchor myself in my values.  I set boundaries.  I let go of the past mistakes and the pain I accrued over the years from them.  

Today, I am free.  Free of any judgement - from others but most importantly, judgement of myself!

Today, I am grateful.  Grateful for the awareness and the ability to go back to basics and take 10 minutes of self-care each day. 

Today I reclaim my life.  I align myself in a faith in my Higher Power.  

I am the co-creator of my life.  

I will live it to the best of my ability without judgement in kindness to myself and to other. 

I reclaim my day today.  

It is mine.   

How will you reclaim yours?

 

Back to Basics

Covid-19 really threw a wrench into my self-care routine. It’s been 9 months of a roller coaster ride that really disrupted a daily meditation and prayer practice that I had mastered over a year or so ago.   

Throughout this time, I’ve spent intermittent, sleepless nights focused on the uncertainty in which we live. I’ve been figuring out ways to transform negative thoughts into positive feelings so I take positive actions. 

 

I’ve realized that if the climate of this pandemic has the ability to derail me (a daily practicing, conscious, personal discovery junkie), What is it like for someone just beginning to awaken?  

Here’s what I learned through these humbling times...

No matter where we are in our self-discovery journeys, we all are on a level playing field.  There are months where I have it mastered, then I get knocked down with some sort of life impact, and then easily re-group.  For other adversities, I’m required to literally start all over again. 

 

Today marks the one month anniversary of the life altering and tragic death of my daughter’s 20 year old boyfriend, Zeke.  

 

As we begin to grasp our individual grief processes, the hustle and bustle of every day life continues for others around us.  It has become increasingly more difficult to complete regular daily tasks in the fog of grief. 

 

As a result, I long for the peace and serenity I had before Covid hit.  I similarly ache for the sense of normalcy I had attained in my new routine during and after quarantined life.  I’m even more humbled by having to force myself back into the habit of 10 minutes of quiet reflection each day. 

It doesn’t matter where you are in your personal growth and development journey. I’ve been conscious and mindful for years but feel the need to go back to basics. 

 

So I have made a commitment to dedicating 10 minutes a day for self-care. 

 

If you are feeling vulnerable or struggling with your own personal self-care routine, Please join me (starting
12/14 - 12/31) on “The Journey Back to Self”.  It truly is the secret for attaining resilience as we enter 2021

THE RIPPLE EFFECT OF SUICIDE

There are tragedies.

And in those instances, we either expire or we blossom.

We either sleep or we awaken.

We have a choice...

...Or do we?

For some, the threshold for pain is deep.

For others it is shallow.

Either way, the pain is inevitable, but for some it is unbearable.

With permission from Zeke’s family, I regretfully inform you all that my daughter, Torie’s first love, Zeke committed suicide on 11/13.

But I emphatically tell you this news with the purpose and hope of saving lives, waking up the world up to take the focus off this fu#%ing pandemic and consider our mental health as well as others’ mental health around us!

Listen up! In 2020 alone,

-Suicide is the 10th leading cause of deaths nationwide (https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/leading-causes-of-death.htm)

-On average, 132 Americans died by suicide each day, and in 2020,

1.4 million Americans attempted suicide.

-90% of those who died by suicide had a diagnosable mental health condition at the time of their death.

-48,344 Americans died by suicide so far in 2020. We still have 43 days remaining which on average could mean that there could potentially mean 6,042 more deaths.

Multiply 48,344 by the 5 people closest to the suicide victim, and you are now talking about 241,720 people who have been left scratching their heads,

blaming themselves for things they did or didn’t do or could’ve done differently to save the life of a loved one.

That number exceeds the 232,639 covid deaths this year up to this day.

I went to Zeke’s funeral yesterday.

My heart ached as his family sobbed with guttural wails over the death of their beloved son, brother, and grandson.

I felt broken and helpless, escorting my beautiful daughter down the aisle as she sat in shock over the death of her first love.

I watched in awe as she drew strength from the bottom of her broken heart and conducted an impromptu song rehearsal to Zeke’s lifeless body at the morgue.

I witnessed my child’s strength, fueled by the purpose of comforting Zeke’s family as she sang in front of hundreds of grieving loved ones...Hundreds who loved a boy but couldn’t convince him to love himself nor the life in front of him.

Today, with the help of my children and my sister-in-law, I checked my ex-husband in to a mental health facility after he witnessed the suicide of Zeke.

In Zeke’s suicide story, there are many more than 5 loved ones affected. I can’t imagine that story is much different with suicides nationwide.

Multiplying the total 2020 suicide deaths by 5 is likely a conservative guess. Multiplying it by 10 or more lives brings the number to over 483,440.

The ripple effect reverberates.

Yes, this story is raw.

It is uncomfortable and painful.

But it is our reality and unfortunately, it is not uncommon.

There are no suicide “tests”

No false positives

Nor shut downs because of suicide.

There isn’t a vaccination for it either.

But there are awareness and prevention programs.

If you or a loved one has suicidal thoughts or tendencies, I implore you to reach out for to The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - a United States based suicide prevention network of over 160 crisis centers that provides 24/7 service via a toll-free hotline help 1-800-273-8255.

#noregrets

#SuicideAwareness

#suicideprevention

#eyeswideopen

#

Like Lightening In A Bottle

These women inspire me! 

We are friends. 

We are sisters. 

They are my lightening in a bottle. 

We accept each other as we are, yet

we simultaneously hold each other accountable according to our values. 

We encourage one another’s evolution as individuals. 

And we challenge each other to continuously grow into the people God has intended us to be. 

Our backgrounds and stories are so different, yet we have one thing in common. 

We treat each other with kindness and respect. 

We have each others’ backs. 

We have a special, unbreakable bond. 

We have stood by each other in good times and bad. 

We’ve ridden the many roller coasters of life together. 

Thank you for your friendship. 

Here’s to many more years of laughter, tears, encouragement, pop up dance parties and get togethers as we continue to ride the rollercoaster of life. 

Love you all. xoxo