THE RIPPLE EFFECT OF SUICIDE

There are tragedies.

And in those instances, we either expire or we blossom.

We either sleep or we awaken.

We have a choice...

...Or do we?

For some, the threshold for pain is deep.

For others it is shallow.

Either way, the pain is inevitable, but for some it is unbearable.

With permission from Zeke’s family, I regretfully inform you all that my daughter, Torie’s first love, Zeke committed suicide on 11/13.

But I emphatically tell you this news with the purpose and hope of saving lives, waking up the world up to take the focus off this fu#%ing pandemic and consider our mental health as well as others’ mental health around us!

Listen up! In 2020 alone,

-Suicide is the 10th leading cause of deaths nationwide (https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/leading-causes-of-death.htm)

-On average, 132 Americans died by suicide each day, and in 2020,

1.4 million Americans attempted suicide.

-90% of those who died by suicide had a diagnosable mental health condition at the time of their death.

-48,344 Americans died by suicide so far in 2020. We still have 43 days remaining which on average could mean that there could potentially mean 6,042 more deaths.

Multiply 48,344 by the 5 people closest to the suicide victim, and you are now talking about 241,720 people who have been left scratching their heads,

blaming themselves for things they did or didn’t do or could’ve done differently to save the life of a loved one.

That number exceeds the 232,639 covid deaths this year up to this day.

I went to Zeke’s funeral yesterday.

My heart ached as his family sobbed with guttural wails over the death of their beloved son, brother, and grandson.

I felt broken and helpless, escorting my beautiful daughter down the aisle as she sat in shock over the death of her first love.

I watched in awe as she drew strength from the bottom of her broken heart and conducted an impromptu song rehearsal to Zeke’s lifeless body at the morgue.

I witnessed my child’s strength, fueled by the purpose of comforting Zeke’s family as she sang in front of hundreds of grieving loved ones...Hundreds who loved a boy but couldn’t convince him to love himself nor the life in front of him.

Today, with the help of my children and my sister-in-law, I checked my ex-husband in to a mental health facility after he witnessed the suicide of Zeke.

In Zeke’s suicide story, there are many more than 5 loved ones affected. I can’t imagine that story is much different with suicides nationwide.

Multiplying the total 2020 suicide deaths by 5 is likely a conservative guess. Multiplying it by 10 or more lives brings the number to over 483,440.

The ripple effect reverberates.

Yes, this story is raw.

It is uncomfortable and painful.

But it is our reality and unfortunately, it is not uncommon.

There are no suicide “tests”

No false positives

Nor shut downs because of suicide.

There isn’t a vaccination for it either.

But there are awareness and prevention programs.

If you or a loved one has suicidal thoughts or tendencies, I implore you to reach out for to The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - a United States based suicide prevention network of over 160 crisis centers that provides 24/7 service via a toll-free hotline help 1-800-273-8255.

#noregrets

#SuicideAwareness

#suicideprevention

#eyeswideopen

#

Like Lightening In A Bottle

These women inspire me! 

We are friends. 

We are sisters. 

They are my lightening in a bottle. 

We accept each other as we are, yet

we simultaneously hold each other accountable according to our values. 

We encourage one another’s evolution as individuals. 

And we challenge each other to continuously grow into the people God has intended us to be. 

Our backgrounds and stories are so different, yet we have one thing in common. 

We treat each other with kindness and respect. 

We have each others’ backs. 

We have a special, unbreakable bond. 

We have stood by each other in good times and bad. 

We’ve ridden the many roller coasters of life together. 

Thank you for your friendship. 

Here’s to many more years of laughter, tears, encouragement, pop up dance parties and get togethers as we continue to ride the rollercoaster of life. 

Love you all. xoxo

United We Must Stand to Understand

 

There’s a lot of that going on in the world, and it seems like there are many more who “listen to reply” these days.

I am certainly guilty as charged on many accounts. I am a natural born “know it all” and “fixer”. 

Actually, I’ll cut through the bullsh#%. My name is Pam, and I’m a recovering control freak. 

“Letting go” is something I have to make a conscious effort towards every day with my partner, my children, my co-workers, clients, strangers, etc. 

I became increasingly aware of this shortcoming as I was becoming certified as a life coach, coupled with this election year, and impacted even more with the effects of a pandemic. 

Our egos can exhaust us. 

They can make too much noise. 

Usually so much noise, preventing us from realizing that the answers are within each and every one of us. 

So every day, I consciously kick my ego to the curb, embrace my divine feminine, and simultaneously let go of the things I can’t control. I don’t always have to be right. And I can agree to disagree with others. But I must be respectful and kind. 

As I have been exercising all that I’ve learned from Certified Life Coach Institute Alumni & Staff Group, Ray Carmen and Daniel Olexa CTht-Pcc, I consciously force my ego to dissipate so I can effectively hold space for others in their time of need.  

Instead of listening to reply,

Listen to understand,

And surround yourself with a special group of people who do the same.

This can be accomplished regardless of who you vote for on November 3rd. 

I can assure you,

If we listen to understand, 

We will feel peace. 

If we all listen to understand,

We will feel unity. 

If we all listen to respectfully understand,

We will be one again. 

God Bless America!

Self-Care Amber Alert

 

The self-care struggle is real. Pre-pandemic it was legit, but now more than ever. 

Self-care is not just about nutrition and exercise. It’s about human connection. 

Research actually shows that loneliness is on the rise, and that a lack of human connection can be more harmful to your health than obesity, smoking and high blood pressure. 

I was doing my daily walk and I ran into my friend Cima. 

Cima is the owner of Persis Biryani Indian Grill.  She too has suffered the effects of the pandemic as a small business owner. 

She tells me often how she needs to take time for herself but she’s just too busy. 

The story is familiar because I live it and struggle with every day distractions. 

So today,  I executed a SELF-CARE KIDNAPPING and got Cima to walk with me. 

As I left Cima’s house, I hoped that I was able to give her a jump start of self-care for resilience or what I like to call “bounce back ability”.

I thought about the secret of my own self-care and regimen consists of and if this helps just one person, here are a few...

Secret #1 

A bit cliche, but

“Rome wasn’t built in a day.”  

So take bite size actions for bite sized progress on a consistent basis. 

Key words being “bite sized” and “consistent”

Secret #2

Recognize and credit yourself for the progress you make. 

Secret #3

“Chickens don’t soar with eagles.”

Set backs are imminent. 

So surround yourself with likeminded humans who are on a quest for personal growth, and who  will cheer you on as you seek yours. 

Our stories are different,

yet the ones of recovery and success are all woven with common threads. 

The common denominator is human connection. There’s power in numbers.  

So find your people to help you achieve your own “bounce back ability” so we all can give 2020 a good, swift kick in the a#% !

Mention this blog and get 10% off at Persis Biryani Indian Grill with a $7 class pass to @thehavenyoga

Reclaim Your Power!

 For many years, I carried around synthetic energy..

...Trying to be something I wasn’t.  

Those years served as the catalyst for waking my a#% up!  

In fact, it’s what I refer to as “the journey to achieving my very own spiritual badassery”. 

This personal journey had been ignited by the impact of the pandemic, 

Along with my desire for a strong faith in God and my search for divine spirituality, 

Working with my spiritual mentor @iamraycarmen 

And interacting with new people each day,

My awareness is activated more than ever before. 

I recently hung up any mental visitation to traumatic life experiences. 

Instead of using them as an excuse to surrender my internal power, 

I now embrace the golden nuggets of wisdom hidden in the hell of them. 

Breath work, yoga, meditation and chakra balancing awakened me into my power. 

And I can’t unsee what I  see now. 

I trust and claim my power. 

I am no longer anyone’s buffet,  because I create healthy boundaries.

I challenge myself to move into the next level of empowerment.

And I trust my intuition. 

My story is mine and mine only. I’ll never deny it, but I won’t relive it. 

I will use it to fuel my the fire to be in my own personal power,

So I can be the conduit of light, change and impact for others to their awareness.  

I’ll never stop learning.

I won’t retraumatize myself by reliving my story, but I won’t ever discount how it impacted my personal growth. 

Each day I choose to step into my very own brilliance and show up in my authentic mightiness. 

You can too!  No matter where you are in your life, you can still recreate and take back your power.   There’s no better time than the present. 

If you’ve read this far, you may be curious about a LIVE mind shift or awakening workshop with @iamraycarmen on October 24th from 3-6 pm @thehavenyoga. 

If so, feel free to DM @thehavenyoga and we’ll be happy to tell you more about our own personal journey or click on the link in the bio for more info and to reserve your space.

Steppingstone Haven Yoga & Wellness

Come on in.

The door is wide open. 

As I checked people in tonight for our Hot Celestial Evolution class, I bathed in my gratitude for the people I attract, and for those who walk through that door.

You see, prior to my self discovery journey,  I was pretending to be something I wasn’t. 

I was exhausted from stifling my words and thoughts. 

I was so guarded.

I conformed to what others expected of me.  

Unable to be my true self. 

I had a few boxing matches, and cat fights with my ego.  

I put the work in. 

It wasn’t easy, but it has surely been worth it. 

My awareness brought me perspective.  

Perspective brought upon change. 

And the change brought me the people and experience I needed to in my life. 

I’m empowered. 

I’m inspired. 

And with that,

I empower and I inspire. 

And with that,

I hold that space  for others.   

I am healed and I continue to heal. 

Self discovery is a pretty powerful drug. 

What's Your Medicine?

I was diagnosed with reactive arthritis and fibromyalgia about three years ago. The pain was unbearable.   The amount of medication I put in my body was ridiculous for the small bit of relief I got. 

I became depressed as  my mental health deteriorated simultaneously with my physical health. 

In the words of Desmond Tutu, “There comes a point where we need to stop just pulling people out of the river. We need to go upstream and find out why they're falling in.” 

Out of desperation, I turned to yoga and meditation, and I can’t begin to describe how my life shifted. 

It was not easy. But I was opened to trying it out.  I went to my first class (Hot Series 26) and I immediately felt relief both physically and mentally.  

I made a commitment to practicing at least once a week which eventually turned into almost every day. 

  

My symptoms eventually disappeared. 

I weaned myself off of Humira shots, gabapentin and Celebrex because I didn’t get the relief I needed from them as I did from practicing yoga and meditation.

My health quickly improved - beyond my expectations.   I am only pain free when I practice regularly.   

I’ve been distracted and stressed lately and not as committed to my practices. Pain inched it’s way back into my life as a result.  

This morning I committed to showing up, and between the style of class (Hot 26), the instructor, June and the amazing people I shared the practice with, The energy was intense.

It set my day in an intention of extreme gratitude and hope. 

Grateful for my resources...
Grateful  for my health...
Grateful for new friends...
and hopeful for the peace and unity that is desperately needed right now in this world.

Not a bad way to start the day!

Yoga and Meditation are my medicine.

What’s yours?