Don’t Forget to Breathe

Inhale...

It's been awhile since I've written anything for my blog. Life has been busy between one kid’s mysterious autoimmune disease, one's concussion and eye ticks and one eleven year old's incessant aspiration of landing that big acting role!!  Oh, and did I mention the full time job and then just dealing with everyday life?
 
However, the chaos of it all was pleasantly interrupted by an email from an old neighbor, Colette who wanted to let me know how much she admired me.  She sent me a "Warrior Award" via Facebook and told me to pass it on to ten people I truly admired for the challenges that they have faced and adversity that they deal with on a daily basis or have already overcome. I usually don't partake in  things like that however it was a message that made me feel good and I thought that it would be a good opportunity for me to pay it forward.  My friend Loren came to mind immediately and I promptly sent out the same message to her.  Our friendship began as an acquaintance via an introduction through another friend back when I lived in New York.  But she is one of those people who I just had an instant connection with the minute I met her.  I consider her a warrior because she carries herself with such grace as she deals with the daily challenge of caring for her autistic son.  Her optimism, humility and humor are what make her shine.  And honestly, up until receiving the uplifting message of my induction into warrior status, I never had the opportunity to tell her that.
 
After carefully choosing my warriors, I had the pleasant surprise of receiving a message from my graceful, optimistic, humble and funny friend, Loren.  She had invited me to be part of an online group called “Fav Ladies” which she had just created.  The “Fav Ladies” is a group of women who Loren described as "getting it". You know those who really cut through the bullshit of life. Tactfully tell it like it is and at the end of the day aren't afraid to show people who they are even at their most vulnerable moments.
 
The invitation really couldn’t have come at a better time.  Between my kid’s illnesses and learning disabilities, standard demands of work and the management of everyday life, things have been exceptionally stressful.  Loren's invitation to her group of "normal" women was a timely relief since lately I've been feeling like I've been manning this dysfunctional ship alone.  I am partly to blame as I have a tendency to wear my "I'm too proud pants" and shut certain people out.  But Loren’s invitation really snapped me out of the funk that I have been in.

It has only been a few days since I have been part of this brilliant online club where the only dues are to let your guard down and get real.  Women share pictures of their families, their kids’ art work, inspirational quotes and a variety of personal stories ranging from their struggles with aging, menopause, addiction, weight gain.  It serves as a platform for suggestions/advice, open discussion, supportive comments and expressions of inspiration and admiration.

One woman Leslie described the unthinkable loss of her baby boy who succumbed to a grueling 10 month battle with brain cancer.  It was at that moment when I decided to cancel the pity party I had been having for myself.  She started her post with the word “Inhale” insinuating how painful the story that she was about to tell was going to be.  She told us about the day she had first met Loren and was asked how many children she had.  She ended her entry with the word “Exhale” indicating the relief of finishing the story of  dealing with horror of the real world without her first born.  I could feel how raw her wounds were and was pained yet grateful for her transparency.  I realized that experiences that painful literally require living one breath at a time and that there are no coincidences as to who is placed in our daily paths. And just as we question if we'll ever be able to breathe again freely, people like these “Warriors” or “Fav Ladies” are placed in our lives to aid us in our breathing when we just can't find the strength to release and exhale or buck up and inhale.

Lately, I have been struggling with my own breathing and I honestly believe that if it weren’t for my induction into the Warrior Hall of Fame by Colette, I would not have crossed paths with Loren or Leslie or any of the other “Fav Ladies” who gave me the oxygen I needed.  I am happy to report that my I am breathing easier today as a result of the paths I have crossed this week and when I breathe easier, I am a much more fun, compassionate and supportive person to be around.  So Colette, Loren and Leslie, thank you!  And I can assure you that my family is just as grateful.  I haven’t been the easiest person to live with lately. 

Exhale...

Forever changed...

Today, I reflect on that tragic day 12 years ago when the World was forever changed. Even after so much time, the wounds are still raw. Remember those who have lost their lives, those who have lost their loved ones, the heroes who gave their all and all the lives that have been forever changed by such a senseless act of terrorism.

Robert Scott Batson

July 14, 1968 - September 7, 2013

September 11, 2013 becomes an even more somber day as we lay our friend Scotty Batson to rest. Hearts are heavy in small town SC but the support amongst our friends is enormous. The outpour of love and support that has been given to Kim, Haley, Sammy, David, Terressa and the rest of his family is immense. It is almost as big as Scotty's heart!

Through these tragic events, I have learned that power is in numbers. Keep your family and friends close. Friendship can never be undermined nor underestimated. It should be valued and respected as there are no guarantees in life.

Find comfort in knowing that Scott cherished his family and friends and never missed the opportunity to tell anyone that. He boasted about his beautiful wife, Kim and his two beautiful girls, his brother David and his family, his parents and friends.  He lived life to the fullest and embraced every ounce of what was good in life and even managed to find good in the bad.

He was talented in many areas but for me, his greatest claim to fame was his ability to master life through his love, laughter, kindness, compassion and his genuine interest in other people. And much to our dismay, I'm thinking that maybe his work was done here on Earth. To be honest, it is the only way that I can find comfort in his passing. In fact, Yegge and I are convinced that on September 7^th, Heaven was forever changed! We talk about how Scott is most likely playing air guitar with the Angels, taking a Natural Light "roadie" with him as he bounces from one fluffy cloud to the next letting everyone know that he's arrived. He’s bowling and eating bacon, egg and cheese breakfast “samiches” and watching the sun set from a much better place.  And we are certain that Heaven is a much more rockin' place now that Scotty Batson is there!

In Scott's absence here on Earth, let his legacy live on...

Remember to be kinder, more compassionate, make others feel important, love a little more, and laugh a little harder. Embrace what is good in life at all times. Cherish the sun rising and the find joy in a sunset like Scotty did. And please keep The Batson Family and all others who have lost a loved one in your prayers during this difficult time. RIP Scotty and to all those who have passed. ‘Til we meet again...

 

The Art of "Being Someone"

As I lay awake at The Airport Holiday Inn Express in Columbia, South Carolina surfing Facebook, I read a post that puts my visit to Columbia (during my beach vacation in Charleston) in perspective. 

It was by a woman who is a friend of a friend and recently laid her 7 year old son to rest after a 7 month battle with cancer. I had been following her heartbreaking yet hopeful posts and praying for a miraculous recovery of her baby however there obviously was a different plan for her family. 

I had been complaining about having to go to Columbia for an agent showcase audition for my youngest. I literally have been dreading this trip for several weeks now because it fell smack in the middle of my vacation with my family.  Aside from the fact that I'm not the one pushing a talentless kid to go on American Idol only to make a fool of themselves on National television. I am far from one of those stage mother's trying to live vicariously through their kids. 

As many are aware, my daughter Torie is bound and determined to become famous. And honestly, she really is quite talented.  In fact, the combination of her talent and tenacity can be annoying yet at the same time paints a picture of possible success for the little drama queen. Regardless of what happens, at the end of the day, she has a dream and she is relentless in her efforts to follow it. 

In a nutshell, after reading the woman's post of losing her son, I realize that her baby boy's dreams have been unfairly and unexpectedly distinguished. I am ashamed of my reaction to my daughter's hopes and dreams as that mourning mother would give anything to have her son's young dreams come alive again. 

Before I tucked Torie in, she rehearsed her monologue several times until she was satisfied with her performance.  And I am taught yet another lesson as she thanked me for taking the time to take her to her audition during vacation.  She told me that regardless of what the outcome is, she will walk away knowing that she worked hard, tried her best and will learn something along the way. 

She continued... "But Mommy? You really need to get on board with me because I'm going to be someone and I AM walking out of this thing with an agent and will be very busy with other auditions.      I love you, goodnight.  We have a big day tomorrow and need our sleep." 

I kissed her and said goodnight in awe of her confidence, gratitude, balance, strength and sensibility. With or without an agent, my kid already IS someone. She is my teacher. 

I am sad for those who's dreams are lost for their children (living or not). Before tonight, I happened to fall into that category. I have been so negative about Torie's efforts towards stardom. Tonight, I'm officially jumping on Torie's dream wagon no matter what.   Not for anything more than her knowing that I am beside her in her adventure but most importantly, to learn a little bit more about really being SOMEONE!