Apply Within

“You once told me

You wanted to find

Yourself in the world -

And I told you to

First apply within,

To discover the world

within you.” - Suzy Kassem

Last October, I signed up with The Certified Life Coach Institute to become a life coach. It’s been my calling for a long time since trudging through my divorce and filing for bankruptcy over 10 years ago. I thought about it every day but managed to use the excuses of the lack of money and time to continually put it off. 

Last summer, I accidentally stumbled upon a Ted Talk by Brene Brown about “vulnerability” while on a business trip from San Francisco to Los Angeles. It was the day which  ignited a personal journey I was so desperately seeking but was too afraid to sign up for. However, that day Brene Brown spoke to my soul as she spoke about the importance of “human connection”, shame, and the necessity for being vulnerable in order to achieve true connection with others. It was on that day driving The Pacific Coast Highway when my journey of self-discovery began, and I surrendered to tapping into my own personal authenticity. 

What began as an accidental listen to a Ted Talk was the tipping point to allowing me to face fears and make decisions that had been nagging me for many years. 

After overcoming my fear, allowing myself to be vulnerable and setting specific goals of giving back to others as others so graciously gave to me during difficult times, I became ICF certified as a Master Life Coach by Certified Life Coach Institute, and I have been taken on a journey that I would’ve never imagined.  The bonds I have formed with new forces in my life are treasures. 

However, with change there is loss.  There are some who have embraced my transformation and authenticity, others who are curious about my daily quest for it, and many who were close to me who weren’t interested in it at all.  Yet I see now, that despite the pain of some losses from arriving at my personal place today, those losses have been abundantly replenished. 

And through this all, I have been given tremendous opportunity to give back during a time when our world needs it the most. The minute my quest for finding my authentic self began, A Higher Power,  I choose to call God, and the universe aligned resulting in a path I only dreamed of. 

Today, I am different. Each day I am a better version of myself because of an accidental listen to a Ted Talk, a 7 year delay signing up for life coaching certifications which aligned me with my own personal life coach, Dezi Slusher, yoga and meditation, spiritual healing and breath work and so much more. 

Yesterday, Dezi and I hosted an “Awakening” workshop which opened the doors to peeling back the layers of limitation and setting the stage of creating the life we are all worthy of.  I talk about my experience daily at the studio to our beautiful community. I live authentically, speaking my truth.   

Yesterday, eleven incredibly brave women entered Steppingstone Haven on a song and a prayer, only with my word about my own personal “Awakening” experience. They walked in fearful and vulnerable with their own personal stories, and walked out as a sisterhood of connected divine feminine powers - forever changed.  

They took a chance on themselves, they surrendered to vulnerability. They applied within!

“You once told me

You wanted to save

The world from all its wars -

And I told you to

First save yourself

From the world,

And all the wars

You put yourself
through - Suzy Kassem

The View Is Clear From A Mile Above Sea Level

I don’t know about you but this pandemic has caused me to take a closer look at myself, 

my life 

and my relationships. 

Aside from adjusting to the obvious quarantine quandaries, I was aggravated by the spotlight that had been shed upon where I’ve been, 

where I am now, and where I want to be.  As a result, I’ve made a commitment to making some enhancements for an even better life. 

At first, I was bothered by the awareness I had tapped into my relationship values, needs and desires. It was uncomfortable because I knew that if I wanted change in my life and in all of my relationships, I needed to speak up. More than ever, I needed to get vulnerable. It was obvious that whether I said something or not, it was going to affect what my future looked like.  

One of the most important relationships in my life is with my boyfriend, Yegge of ten years.  I recently redefined specific goals for my life which included him in the years ahead, so it was important for me to get his buy in. 

Over this pandemic pause, I recognize that I haven’t always been clear with Yegge about my relationship goals. For awhile, I shoved a lot under the rug but I decided that it wasn’t too late to say something. So without blame and  judgement, I took a chance and asked him if he’d be willing to dedicate a little more quality time towards improving our relationship.  

And he said “YES”!

We decided that each of us would alternate planning a weekly date, and yesterday he chose a hiking adventure at Grandfather Mountain in North Carolina. After a two hour car ride attempting to start but effectively dodge conversation about “us”, we were distracted by the exploration of trails along the Blue Ridge Mountains filled with panoramic views, flowers, rivers, falls and caverns, swinging bridges with a 360 degree view from 5,280 feet in the air. 

We also visited an animal habitat of cougars, bears and eagles!

The result of this particular pandemic reflection was a scary, vulnerable shake up however it was not without surprises and rewards!  The journey lent itself to...

...a common adventure and experience creating effortless conversation that we wouldn’t normally have. 

...A little tour through Yegge’s hometown as he shared memories of high school I haven’t heard before. 

...Three meals together and little excursions into local markets for honey and cheese. 

...A reluctant yet committed listen to “The Four Agreements” book on tape with conversation about it on the way home.

...Feelings of validation through vulnerability from stepping outside our comfort zones.  

And the understanding that we don’t know what we don’t know if nobody speaks up. 

So I encourage anyone who is sitting on what I call the “relationship growth fence”.  Stand on the fence or hop even higher on a suspended bridge for a different perspective. 

If it matters to you, 

be vulnerable, 

give it a shot,

And maybe even check out “The Four Agreements”, by Don Miguel Ruiz. 

I’m excited for what the days ahead bring us and equally excited how it may inspire others.  If it’s important to you, it’s worth the work. 

#embracewhatsgood #choosegrowth #nothingchangesifnothingchanges