Life's To Do List

A list of life's to do's...

With the anniversaries of 9/11 and the senseless deaths of so many incredible people/heroes.  The after-effects in the World thirteen years later, still serve as an opened wound and a painful reminder that life is so precious.  I had composed a list of things over the years that I found myself "suggesting" to my kids when different circumstances occurred related to school, boys, sports, drama club, etc.  After I had compiled them all, I thought it was a pretty good guideline on how to successfully interact with others in personal life, and every day business encounters...

1.  Tread lightly on new ground. Observe and assess your surroundings before you take action.

2.  When you find yourself nervous and insecure around a particular person, show an interest in them. Expressing interest in others and making others feel important and makes you way more likable than the guy who always wants to talk about himself.

3.  Each day perform a random act of kindness.

4.  Trust your instincts. Go with your gut.

5.  ALWAYS leap with faith.

6. Set boundaries. Divide them into the "ME" list and the "THEM" list. The first list includes the boundaries you have set for yourself. The other is the boundaries you have set for others.   Set them firmly for all parties.

7.  The only thing you should ever plan to quit is WHINING!

8.  Be honest with yourself. It's the only way to be honest with others.

9. When you don't know the answer to a question, ask!  Ask the other person to clarify something for you. "Is it this or is it that?  This sets the stage for an explanation as opposed to a short answer. It makes the other person feel smart and demonstrates your thorough approach through "clarification" of something.

10.  Don't piss off your mother. She hold the keys to your car and the password to your cell phone.

11.  Be a friend...a good one with only good intentions and a kind heart.

12.  Start your day with a prayer.

13.  Let passion drive you to work hard to achieve your dreams.

14.  No matter what anyone thinks, everyone must start somewhere. The best job you could ever have is the one you are over qualified for and the one that eventually leads you to the top to that dream.

15.  Everybody has a story. Listen to it as it will reveal more than you know.

16.  Be compassionate.

17. Clean your room  make your bed every morning and pull the shades up to let the sunshine in.

17.  Boys are stupid. They need boundaries. It order to keep them educated, set boundaries from the very beginning and set them firmly.

18.  Pray for the boys.

19.  Whether it is you, a friend, family member or an acquaintance,   Don't ever tolerate bad behavior.  If it makes you feel bad, it is.

20.  Stop. Look. Listen. Evaluate. If you let life take charge, things begin to spiral out of control. Take charge of your life.

21.  Never be too busy for family or friends. Strangers too. You never know when you may need their help. It's called Karma!

22. Always introduce yourself if someone doesn't. Shake their hand and shake it firmly.

23.  Whether you enjoyed an experience or not, chalk it up as just that. It will come up in conversation at some point in your life. The more experience you have the more interesting you are.

24. If you make a commitment to an individual or a team, keep it.

25. If you start it, finish it.

26.  Set your friendship criteria.  Use it wisely when friending on FB.

27. If someone starts talking smack about anyone, regardless of how you feel about someone, always respond to the trash talker as follows: "I don't know what you are talking about, I actually like that person a lot".  It puts a halt to the nonsense immediately.

28.  Be grateful.

29. Your fingers are always fatter when participating in social media stalking.  Don't do it.

30.  Be a leader who encourages others to lead not follow.

31.  Observe the surroundings, find a prop and stand there.

32.  Be adaptable.

33.  You are not invincible.

34.  Never forget.

Life Tilts...As earths plates shift and tilt, life's seas get rougher. As they settle, they appear to be calmer.  I realize that it is in fact one's perspective that is the driving force of life's direction.  I realize that life tilts for everyone whether it's death, illness or just plain bad luck.    For some, the waves are big...for others the seas are incredibly turbulent and in some rare cases the water is serene.

In regards to death, some find comfort in the kind of relationship that they had with the beloved departed while others struggle to accept the circumstances due to a relationship deficiency of some sort.   At the end of the day, it comes down what eyes are looking at the situation. Perspective is what drives the boat of life!

I observed my "second family" (the one I used to threaten my parents to run away to when I was a kid) as they laid their patriarch to rest. I witnessed a grieving wife stand so strong and tall for the sake of her grieving children and grandchildren. She stroked the linens of the casket, fixed the hair, touched the hand and  straightened the tie of her departed husband of 60 years. She appeared to be mumbling but was in fact talking directly to him...scolding him for leaving her so soon.  

Each surviving child and grandchild and friends were coping in their own unique way. As I spoke to each person and took a good hard look at my reaction to his death, it occurred to me that everybody's degree of mourning was governed by their perspectives. Life's tilts are stronger for some than others.

As I entered airport security with a heavy heart, I was overwhelmed with gratitude.  Thankful for the offering of meatloaf from my mother in a to-go bag that she swore would get through security. And happy for the company of both my parents on the drive to the airport (despite the 5 red lights my father almost ran through).

Before I got to my gate, I decided to stop to eat something.  As I put my order in, I notice a gentleman in a wheel chair struggling to read the menu because of his impaired eyesight but inspecting it with a very familiar price conscious look.  He asked the airport attendant who was wheeling him around if there was a cheaper place to eat.  Still reeling from the emotions of the weekend and continuous wave of gratitude, I didn't hesitate to offer to buy his lunch (just as my boy Jack did a week prior for kids that "never have lunch money").  

Shocked and incredibly appreciative, he graciously accepted my offering. Overlooking the entire "pay it forward" transaction between two strangers, the airport attendant asked how he was going to get to the gate. Without hesitation, I instructed the man to leave the wheelchair behind. If I can juggle three kids alone, I surely can handle my carry on bags and piloting a stranger in a wheelchair. 

With 45 minutes to spare, the "stranger" and I had lunch. He thanked me again and I got right down to business firing off questions. I was interested in his story.  

He described himself as an artist - a musician I later find out. He lived in Tennessee but had the "audacity" (as he described) to visit NY where he once lived.  Still hung up on his choice of words..."audacity", I almost missed the part of the story when he spoke about his life threatening illness. 

He spoke about how his diagnosis changed his perspective. It wasn't  a death sentence for him...it was a license to live his life. As I continued listening, I understood his choice of words better. Financially he is restricted to do many things in his inevitably shortened life span and if he was healthy, he would probably just dream about the trips to NY and Paris etc. But now, what he refers to "audacity" transforms to a perspective driven "fearlessness".  He's not hurting anyone, nor is he living carelessly.  He's living on borrowed time with a burst of courage. 

He said that he's learned that the focus can't be on the dying part of it but on the living part. He's learned that you can love people but not always like them.  He is a grateful man who really has an incredible perspective on life not just on death. He celebrates every moment he has.  For a man with impaired vision, he sees clearer than most people I know. 

My meeting was brief with my unexpected lunch buddy, however it was the most informative life lesson and reminder of how a keen, positive yet realistic perspective is the secret to a happy and fulfilling life. So when the plates shift and life tilts, shift with it and ride the waves.  And every now and then, pay it forward. The return on the investment is priceless!